Sex can have a variety of benefits. It can help support healthy relationships and may improve overall well-being. It is also linked to individual benefits including stress relief, improved sleep, increased immunity, and better cardiac health.
Sex can play a role in increasing intimacy between romantic partners, and regular sex is linked to lower divorce rates among married couples. It can also offer benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, improving sleep, and boosting immune function. Sex in relationships may also boost happiness levels and help couples bond.
is sex important in a relationship
Smith A, Lyons A, Ferris J, et al. Sexual and relationship satisfaction among heterosexual men and women: the importance of desired frequency of sex. J Sex Marital Ther. 2011;37(2):104-15. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.560531
Dr. Janet Brito is a nationally certified Latinx sex therapist, supervisor, speaker, trainer, and author. Dr. Brito is the founder and owner of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health, a group practice that specializes in relationship and sex therapy, out of control sexual behavior, and gender and sexually diverse populations, and The Sexual Health School, an online training program for healthcare professionals seeking human sexuality training.
\"Relationships absolutely can survive without sex,\" says Francis. \"Relationships should only be sexual if all parties want to be having sex. Not everyone wants to have sex, and not all people consider sex to be an integral part of their partnerships. Lots of relationships have extended periods without sex, circumstantially or intentionally, and are still fulfilling and sources of love and connection.\"
Of course, it all depends on the specific individuals in the relationship. Some people are more OK with sexless relationships than others, and if two people in a relationship are in disagreement about the state of their sex life, that's when it can become an issue.
That is, how important sex is to a relationship varies depending on the individual. Sex matters a lot to some people and some couples, and it's less important or not important at all to some people and some couples.
Not every relationship requires an active sex life. "There are perfectly happy and healthy couples who don't have sex, and this isn't a problem as long as both are truly happy and OK with this," adds Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., an AASECT-certified sex therapist and couples' counselor.
Now, if at least one person in the relationship does want sex, that's when it becomes important for partners to work on creating a mutually satisfying sex life. Much research has found a link between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, so it's important for both people to feel good about the state of their sex life and to address any issues that come up.
She adds that problems in the bedroom have a tendency to impact how people view their relationship as a whole, too. "When sex is working well for a couple, it feels like it's about 20% of what makes their relationship great. It's important, and it's a factor in their happiness, but it's in proportion to all the other things in their life," she explains. "But when it isn't working, it can feel like it's 80% of their life together. It can overshadow the other parts that may be working really well. So sex becomes more important as it goes badly."
She adds, "If both partners are in agreement to not have sex, then not having sex is not a problem and can bring people closer as they create the kind of relationship that honors their desires. The trouble is when folks are not in agreement about the sex they do or do not have; this can make sex a source of conflict and contention."
Sure, plenty of studies have found men are more likely to have a higher interest in sex than women do, and some research1 has shown sexual satisfaction has more impact on how happy a man is in his relationships than it does for women and their relationships. Men on average tend to have higher levels of testosterone2 than women do, and testosterone has a significant role in sexual desire and functioning. But male desire is far more complex than a blanket statement like "all men want sex."
Men, like all of humanity, are not a monolith. Some men will have more desire for sex than others, and there are certainly relationships between men and women where the woman has the higher sex drive.
"Men are socialized to put heavy emphasis on sex as a primary vehicle for connection and intimacy, but that doesn't mean that it is equally important to each person," Francis continues. She adds, "As we mature, unlearn miseducation, resist societal pressure, and get to know ourselves, we come to recognize our own individual relationship to sex."
Constantly repeating those stereotypes about one gender always wanting more sex than the others can often do more harm than good, Francis adds. "These scripts are limiting and create shame and fear for folks whose bodies, emotions, or relationships don't fit comfortably within the narrative."
If you're someone who feels you want more sex in your relationship, Zimmerman recommends asking yourself: What is it you truly want when you say you want more sex? Do you want to do a particular thing with a body part? Are you looking for an orgasm? Are you wanting to connect deeply with a partner?
"Relationships absolutely can survive without sex," says Francis. "Relationships should only be sexual if all parties want to be having sex. Not everyone wants to have sex, and not all people consider sex to be an integral part of their partnerships. Lots of relationships have extended periods without sex, circumstantially or intentionally, and are still fulfilling and sources of love and connection."
Shared experiences are powerful, McKay says, because they can uncover common ground. They can also make you feel like a team, create positive memories to look back on, and motivate you to continue building on the relationship.
Negative interactions may include being overly critical or dismissive of your partner's feelings, raising your voice, or giving them the silent treatment. These behaviors can take a toll on the trust, respect, and intimacy in your relationship.
Mutual respect in a relationship can contribute to feelings of trust and emotional security and promote greater honesty and vulnerability. It can even promote greater relationship satisfaction and quality.
With the everyday stresses in life, and the fact that there are many different components that make up a healthy and successful relationship, many people wonder: "How important is sex in a relationship, really?".
And while this may be the case for couples in this study, it may not be the case for your relationship. It is important to take into account your sexual libido and to discuss your sexual needs with your partner (more on this below) to make sure that you are both feeling satisfied in the relationship. In short, the ideal frequency for having sex is unique to every relationship, but if you are looking for a number, try starting at once a week and adjusting from there.
If you feel like you and your partner are in a sexual rut, or if you feel as if sex has fallen out of your relationship routine, follow these steps to increase the amount of sex in your relationship:
If you are not feeling satisfied by the amount of sex in your relationship, the first thing you should do is talk to your partner about it. Even couples with good communication can struggle when trying to talk about sex because of the intimate and vulnerable nature of these conversations. But, if you want to increase the amount of sex (and the quality of the sex) in your relationship, you have to get over the shyness associated with discussing sex! Talking to your partner about your sex life may be awkward at first, but the more you talk about it, the easier it will become and the better your sex will be!
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With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people's relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.
A new and well-conducted investigation by Anik Debrot and colleagues (2017) points to the surprising role not of the sex itself, but of the affection that accompanies sexuality between partners. Over a series of four separate studies, Debrot and her fellow researchers were able to pinpoint the way that everyday kissing, hugging, and touch between partners contributes uniquely to relationship satisfaction and overall well-being.
The fourth and most telling of the studies used a daily diary method and involved a sample of 58 heterosexual couples averaging 25 years of age and in a relationship, on average, for 4 years. Though relatively young, most of the couples were married. The researchers gave the participants smartphones to use for recording their responses, all of which were collected when the participants received a signal from the phone to complete the assessment. The study lasted 2 weeks, and participants received either course credit (if they were students) or $50.
Aging brings life transitions that can create opportunities for older adults to redefine what sexuality and intimacy mean to them. Some older adults strive for both a sexual and intimate relationship, some are content with one without the other, and still others may choose to avoid these types of connections. 2ff7e9595c
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